My partner cheated....why can't I get over it (Part 1)?

PART 1: Understanding the challenges of betrayal recovery

When faced with the heartbreak of betrayal, especially infidelity, the question "Why can't I get over it?" often lingers. It's a complex and painful journey, but understanding the underlying dynamics can be the first step towards healing. Here, we'll explore the reasons why moving past betrayal can be so challenging and offer strategies to help you navigate through the pain.

1. You've Been Taught That Forgiveness Equals Weakness

Often, we are taught that forgiveness is a sign of weakness. Holding a grudge can feel powerful, giving us a sense of control and moral superiority. This belief might stem from childhood experiences where bad behaviour was excused, and forgiveness was seen as a vulnerability.

Reframing Forgiveness

Understand that forgiveness is not about excusing bad behaviour but about freeing yourself from the emotional toll. It’s essential to ground yourself in your own characteristics and skills, rather than the lessons of your family of origin. Recognize that forgiving doesn't make you weak; it makes you resilient and allows you to move forward with your life.

2. You Need More Time

Healing doesn't adhere to a set timeline. While others might pressure you to "get over it," it’s crucial to honour your own window of tolerance and need for self-compassion.

Allowing Time and Intention

Understand that repair requires both time and intention. Pressuring yourself only prolongs the pain. Acknowledge that not all wounds are the same and that your process is unique. Give yourself the space to heal at your own pace.

3. You Need More Experiences of Trust and Safety

Trust and safety are embodied experiences. Rebuilding them requires both understanding and feeling safe with your partner again.

Building Trust and Safety

Engage in activities that foster trust and safety. This might include travelling together, getting out of familiar surroundings, and creating new memories. It’s important to feel the trust and safety in your body, not just talk about it. Pay attention to how your body feels around your partner and let those sensations guide you in rebuilding trust.

Couples Therapy 

Our couples therapy sessions are designed to help you and your partner rebuild trust and safety in your relationship. We provide a supportive environment where both of you can explore your feelings and experiences, fostering a deeper understanding and connection. By addressing the challenges and implementing strategies discussed in therapy, you can begin to heal and strengthen your relationship. For more information on couples therapy click here.